Hey kids,
I know I said two posts ago that I would give an explanation for my rage aka getting my groove back....:)
So here it is........sorry to keep you waiting
It all started with a boy, and I know your thinking, well ktlemons, doesn't it always?
For me, the answer is a resounding NO!
The boy in question is a friend of mine, we were kind of friends in high school. I dated his friend, but I always had a petit crush on him.
Lame, I know.
Trust me I really do.
Flash forward to about two months ago, we have kept up since high school, and were really good friends. I would even go as far to say more, than friends( gasp!) in that we made out once, so therefore I'm officially marking us in that weird limbo place. You know, the friends that we had a thing with once, but nothing ever happened, so your tight now but there's still that time...
Well we decided to take the mature road on the whole-I-made-out-with-once-so-lets-move-on phase, and decided to talk about it. BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!
Alright you guys, I haven't been completely honest with you so far, in my retelling of how I was magically received my mojo back...
I kind of, sorta, for a short time, might have, had feelings for this boy.....
I KNOW! I KNOW!!
The thing is he lives on the other side of the country that I am currently located on. And! I don't do long distance dating, and it was never, and is never going to happen.
Nevertheless, we decided to talk about that ill fated make-out-sesh*(*session)
Which fyi, it was horrible.Actually, it was beyond horrible and that's all I'm going to say about that.
So I'm stupidly going on about why I had felt/thought it was so horrible, when he starts agreeing with me.
That's when I mentally did a doubletake, why was it horrible for him?
I'm freaking ah-mazing, not to be overly conceited, but trust me kids and kiddettes, I, ktlemons, am AH-MAZE-ZING at making out.
So I asked the ill fated question...Why was it horrible for you?
To which the boy replied, "It was horrible for me, because I felt so guilty...I had started seeing this girl at school, but then there's you. The girl I have liked since high school, that I can say anything to..."
I hung up the phone.
Then I proceeded to ignore his calls for about two weeks.
When we finally spoke, and my anger had slightly cooled, I realized that he owed me no explanation.
We weren't together.
But, I had reacted like we were. I realized I had to let him go, so to speak. I needed to not talk to him for a while, because I needed to move on out of that weird limbo phase between friends and well, more than friends....
However, in the time since that-horrible-make-out-sesh, I had been mentally beating myself up about it. Mainly because I couldn't figure out why it had been so horrible. I mean all the proponents of a good make-out sesh were there. You know, built up anguish and hormones...woot!
Yet the fact that he had lied to me, or rather withheld the truth from his supposed "best friend/girl" pissed me off. I mean what the hell!!!
Thus the unbridled source of my rage.
Seriously, where does this boy get off thinking he can woo one girl one moment, then jet across the country only to make-out and demoralize another girl!!!
Thinking about the whole scenario right now pisses me off!
When did boys( I say boys instead of Men, because the guys I know and talk about in this blog are not MEN)get the idea that Women were this disposable?
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9 months ago
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5 comments:
Can you ever say you've given every guy an explanation who's deserved one? Probably not. Both genders are to blame. He's a guy, he's raging on hormones and it was wrong. Both of you did wrong things, you shouldn't have hung up on him. But, when it's things of the heart people do things they'd never imagine both good and bad.
No, I cant but I can say that I am always honest about how I feel, especially if things go South, which in this scenario, they did. I admit I shouldn't have hung up, but I'm glad I did, otherwise my gut reaction would not have been pretty.I can definitely walk away from this situation a little bit wiser....
My point was about the "make-out." By bringing it up, it sounded like you wanted to evoke those feelings again (Regardless if you thought you were past it, obviously you weren't, i.e. hanging up the phone). You were setting yourself up.
Also, the make-out session may have been good but, his conscience told him it was wrong, you could be the best kisser in the world but as long as he cares about that other woman that kiss will never be as good, no matter how hard you try. It sounds like the guy is torn between two women and he needs to get his shit together and stop playing with people’s hearts.
Although it sounds like you put the blame on the guy, the truth is it takes two. You said it yourself he’s on the other side of the country, so why did you still care? Romantically he’s a waste of time (You and the other girl can attest to that). How many great guys have you passed while crushing on him? You won’t notice those guys as instead you were thinking of him.
Hmmm why did I care?
I guess it was an unresolved in the romantic sense, even though I knew things would never work out, I was curious. In my post, I thought I was over it. However, I clearly wasn't.
I have no regrets about it though. As far as missed opportunities, I wasn't "crushing" on him. I might have been curious because of other feelings, but I know better now.
there's a lot of fish in the air
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