And they wonder why?

Hello...

Those close to me know that I'm guarded almost all the time...

I keep things I care about close to my heart.

I am fiercely protective of those I love, and trust me they are far and few between.

So in the off chance that I decide to divulge...

I always regret the almost decision to do so...

Am I even making any sense?

All I know is that I would hate to be one of those people who cries about everything. I think I view it as a sign of weakness...crying that is.

I guess I synchronize crying with opening up...Mainly because the one time I did open up; I cried.

I guess the experience of my own life has hardened my heart...

Its not just own event, or situation that made me this way.

It's me. I choose to close people off.

And I know why.

I don't want to rely on anyone. There are, and will be times in my life I am and will wish for someone to be there, just a hand to hold, a presence.

That's the choice I make. To be alone.

To be independent, even when I am in sheer desperados.

I know this blog hasn't made much sense, but this post was catharsis for me.

So thank you for letting it be this.

Even if I was terribly vague.