And they wonder why?

Hello...

Those close to me know that I'm guarded almost all the time...

I keep things I care about close to my heart.

I am fiercely protective of those I love, and trust me they are far and few between.

So in the off chance that I decide to divulge...

I always regret the almost decision to do so...

Am I even making any sense?

All I know is that I would hate to be one of those people who cries about everything. I think I view it as a sign of weakness...crying that is.

I guess I synchronize crying with opening up...Mainly because the one time I did open up; I cried.

I guess the experience of my own life has hardened my heart...

Its not just own event, or situation that made me this way.

It's me. I choose to close people off.

And I know why.

I don't want to rely on anyone. There are, and will be times in my life I am and will wish for someone to be there, just a hand to hold, a presence.

That's the choice I make. To be alone.

To be independent, even when I am in sheer desperados.

I know this blog hasn't made much sense, but this post was catharsis for me.

So thank you for letting it be this.

Even if I was terribly vague.

Doctor, Doctor! give me the news...

Hey all-

Just a quick update on my whole sickness...

I went to the Doctor, and I totally self-diagnosed myself.

So, I officially have tonsil stones.

Unfortunately, my new Doctor wants to try allergy meds and nasal rinse and salt water gargling to cure it...

Which I'll try..

But I know, its just going to come back.

So, I'll try this and wait and see.

After all, it would be nice to NOT have surgery.

In the meantime, its back to aloe laced tissues and werthers.

To err on the side of....

Hello all...


In regards to my last post, I did end up chopping off some of my hair.

LOL.

Yes, I laugh out loud to myself.


I chopped a whole whopping two inches off. WOO!

I will post pics as soon as my sis decides she wants to be nice and take some for me and I figure out how to post them on this here blog.


I am bit of a technophobe.

Which translated through the Kt lemons-ictionary, means that I am afraid/fearful of all things technologically advanced. It makes texting quite the adventureland.

Neways, to the crux of this post. I frequently get sick, most often with sore throats. Please, no "thats what she said" jokes. C'mon kids, get a grip.

Moving on, my sore throats always turn into strep or tonsillitis. Then I have to go on antibiotics..blah,blah, blah and I'm out of commission for at least two weeks on a diet of fisherman's wharf cough drops, which taste like ass, and chicken noodle soup.

Sadly this happens at least twice a year.

And it always comes back.

With a vengeance.

So two days ago, it started again. The sore throat, etc..etc. So on a whim, I decided to WebMD it. Mainly because I'm in between doctors right now. Which sounds like an interesting story, but its really not.

Anyhow, WebMD basically diagnosed with tonsil stones or tonsiliths. To which, there is no cure but to remove your tonsils surgically. Some people comented that changing their diet to a meatless one helped or taking allergy meds was helpful.

So I guess I'll try both...but I have a sinking feeling I'm going to need surgery.

Either way, I'm just glad to have a diagnosis of some sorts. Because the last couple of years of being improperly diagnosed and being pill popped were not fun.

Sorry if this post is kinda gross, I'm sure you didn't wake up today and say to yourself, " You know what, lets read about throat growths!".

Probably not.

Unless your into that sort of thing.

Which you probably are, only weirdo's read this blog.

Go figure. FML.


LOL.

I'm kidding.For the record, thank you to anyone, anywhere who reads this thing and tolerates my crazy talk. It's much appreciated.

Well adios kit kat's!

To chop or not to chop?

Hey kids....
so its been a while

Nevertheless, I have come to a life standstill, a foreboding question looms like a dark omnimous cloud over my days....


To chop or not to chop off my hair!


Its kind of long..it goes past my collarbone and it takes FOREVER to grow. But everyday I feel like its this scraggly,boring mess.

And then I get the strongest urge to play stylist and chop it all off. Its got to the point that I'm seriously considering short haircuts. And I mean short.


Anybody catch Mia Farrow's hair in Rosemary's Baby?
Yea-that short.


I know I'm just wishing for a change, and I'm not the most open person to change but its irking me to the point I'm willing to embark on an Edward Scissorhands-esque journey and I have a feeling that might not end with likable results...for anyone.




So readers..its now up to you!

What should I do??

Nobody said it was easy...

Hey

Well school is almost over. For that, I'm thankful. I honestly didn't think I could

take another month without some kind of break. My finals are this week, and I'm

silently freaking out. I've been busting my ass all semester, but you can never be too

certain, grade wise that is.


I guess the point of this whole rant, post..whatever...is that I'm scared.

I'm scared of not getting into Mason. Of staying here....

My sister got into VCU.


I'm even scared for her, what is to come and what will happen to us.


I guess I'm scared of the unknown.

The inevitable.


Sorry, I'm not trying to be all emo and crap.

I've just been thinking about the future.

No one ever really knows what will happen....to any of us.



I know I'm supposed to take solace in that, but I cant.
I'm the type of person that replays things over and over in my mind. I don't let go of things easily.

So here I am, at 3am pondering, stressing, ranting, thinking about things I cant control.


Hopefully I'm not the only one?

When was the last time you had trouble sleeping? And what did you do to finally get some sleep?

You know I love you till the moon's upside down

Hey all-

The post tile is a lyric from a Fiona Apple cover of a Cy Coleman song "Why try to

change me Now"... and its amazing.




Here's an amazing quote I found from another blog leloveimage.blogspot.com

"If she loves you, if she really loves you, you'll know it. If you can wake up to

her staring at you and it's not even mildly creepy, if you catch her smelling the

shoulder of the hooded sweatshirt you lent her for an autumn walk on the beach, and

not for B.O.,if she makes you a pancake in the shape of a shark, if she drunkenly

calls you at four in the morning "to talk", if she laughs at your jokes when they're

funny and makes fun of you when they're not, if she keeps her fridge stocked with

Guinness tallboys for when you come over, if she tells you how she wishes she were

closer to her sister and that her dad makes her sad: She loves you, of course she

loves you." Does she love you by Pasha Malla



I love that quote.
Oh!
and here's an awesome youtube video you have to check out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uy0HNWto0UY

so maybe..

Hello again!

It's been awhile and I wish I could say I was out and about having crazy adventures of the sort but I was being responsible.

I was being an adult.

I know I make it sound like such a glib thing. But, being an adult is kinda a glib thing isn't it?

I constantly have to make sure I pick up after myself, pay bills on time, arrive early and stay late, day in and day out....

It never stops.

I guess that's why my Uncle used to always tell me to enjoy my kid moments, because as the french say being an adult le sucks.

I guess the whole point of this post is, where and when do we turn it off?

When do we stop being adults for two seconds and just enjoy life freely?

I like to think I have little moments each day that my kid self would be proud of...

Or at least not smirk at disapprovingly.


I know we all have to grow up sometime and take control of our lives and actions.

But maybe we can "un-grow up" a little bit too...

At least for a little while...