Anti Stereo

Hello all,

I'ts offically wintertime and snowfall is ineveitable. Lately I've been feeling a bit lonely, like the cold weather was making me hibernate.

I really hate snow....

I hate the cold...

Yet I'm starting to welcome the change it brings from me. A couple months ago, I was coming unhinged so to speak. There's no explanation really...I just know I was.

I was going out, partying, spending money like an heiress who just got Daddy Warbucks and her inheritance all wrapped up in one singular present.

It was also 20 degree's warmer.

Now I look outside at the harsh winds, scarecrow branches and bundled up kids and think to myself."Nah, lets stay in bed with the flannel and onesie"

And, I do.

I really do.

I'd like to attribute my hermit behavior solely on the weather but I know it's me.




I've become my parents.




I retire at 9:30 p.m. on weekends.

I plan outings based on the savings I will reap.

I eat soup for all 3 meals.

I shout at the t.v. knowing full well that "they" cannot hear me

I change my clothes as soon as I get home. And by changing my clothes, I mean shedding my jeans and sweater for my onesie and slippers.

I'm actually starting to enjoy my hermit/old person behavior.
Maybe it means I'm growing up or I'm just becoming boring.

I'm sure I could blame this behavior on a number of things...ranging from the plausible to criminally insane.

Who knows?

For now or at least until the groundhog finally faces his shadow, I'm staying in with all my flannel and onesie glory.

Hear! Hear!

Currently listening to: Keane: Your Eye's Open

Resoultion Restitution?

Hello boys and girls and Happy New Year too!

How were my last minutes of 0-8?

Pretty good, I must say. I ended up staying in and partying with my best friend.

Next year is going to be the crazy one, because I'll be 21.

WOOT! WOOT!


So, I don't usually make New Years Resolutions because well, there always kind of lame. I almost never accomplish or even try to accomplish them. But there's something about this year that makes me want certain things for myself.

And even if I don't accomplish them or whatever, that maybe writing them for the world to see is a step in itself.

Something like that....

So here goes;

1. Learn to forgive.

I have always been the type of person who holds on to grudges, of every kind of nature. I'm not the type of person to forgive and forget...ever. This is something I kind of prided on because how often in life do people truly stick to their guns?

Never! Only it makes you/me the non-forgiving person look callous and well, petty. Because nine times out of ten, its over something petty.

I'm 20 years old and I need to learn to get over it. Whatever it may be.


2. Expand my circle.

I do practically the same things every day. I eat at the same restaurants, talk to the same people, shop at the same places... There's a point when it gets repetitive, when your life becomes a series of same....so to speak

And I'm sick of it.

I need to go to new places, meet new people, try new things, experience life a different way...

There's nothing wrong in knowing what you like but there becomes a point when your just repeating yourself...and frankly that's boring!

So I'm going to try...new things...

wow, I sound like Dr.Phil.....

bear with me here...


3. Be Healthy.

I go to bed anywhere from midnight to later on school nights, I don't eat proper meals at any set time, I never exercise, and sometimes I engage in illegal activities that cause me to have hangover's.....

None of this do I deem healthy behavior.

As a result, or so my parents think, I get sick about 4 times a year. And I mean sick. I literally have to go to the doctor and everything. It sucks.

And it needs to change.

As I'm writing this it's currently 11:58 pm, and I haven't even begun to get ready for sleep.

Clearly its going to be an uphill battle for these resolutions.

But that's whats so great about New Year's, you kind of get a do-over.

Its the one time all year that you can say to yourself, "lets change"


It's a re-soul-lution!

hey, I'm lame. But ya love it. :)


ps. This is a new thing I'm adding to this here blog....telling you what I'm listening to, because I think everyone should have a semblance of a soundtrack to their lives...

Currently listening to: Coldplay- the scientist

Undiscovered Secret

Have you ever discovered something that you weren't supposed to?

And once you did, it completely changed the way you once looked at things, places, people...etc


What are you supposed to do?

Sorry for being so vague, but I'm trying to wrap my head around the whole thing.

Actually that's not true, I cant write out all the gory details here, because I honestly don't know who reads this...

I discovered a secret about someone I know quite well.

If this secret had been about someone else, a stranger even I would be perfectly fine.

But, I guess because I know this person it changes how I view them.

When it honestly shouldn't in the grand scheme of things.

I guess all I can do is wait until things transpire on their own.

All I really know is I'm not saying a thing unless I have to.

THE ROOT OF IT ALL

Hey kids,

I know I said two posts ago that I would give an explanation for my rage aka getting my groove back....:)

So here it is........sorry to keep you waiting

It all started with a boy, and I know your thinking, well ktlemons, doesn't it always?

For me, the answer is a resounding NO!

The boy in question is a friend of mine, we were kind of friends in high school. I dated his friend, but I always had a petit crush on him.

Lame, I know.
Trust me I really do.

Flash forward to about two months ago, we have kept up since high school, and were really good friends. I would even go as far to say more, than friends( gasp!) in that we made out once, so therefore I'm officially marking us in that weird limbo place. You know, the friends that we had a thing with once, but nothing ever happened, so your tight now but there's still that time...


Well we decided to take the mature road on the whole-I-made-out-with-once-so-lets-move-on phase, and decided to talk about it. BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!

Alright you guys, I haven't been completely honest with you so far, in my retelling of how I was magically received my mojo back...

I kind of, sorta, for a short time, might have, had feelings for this boy.....


I KNOW! I KNOW!!


The thing is he lives on the other side of the country that I am currently located on. And! I don't do long distance dating, and it was never, and is never going to happen.


Nevertheless, we decided to talk about that ill fated make-out-sesh*(*session)

Which fyi, it was horrible.Actually, it was beyond horrible and that's all I'm going to say about that.

So I'm stupidly going on about why I had felt/thought it was so horrible, when he starts agreeing with me.

That's when I mentally did a doubletake, why was it horrible for him?

I'm freaking ah-mazing, not to be overly conceited, but trust me kids and kiddettes, I, ktlemons, am AH-MAZE-ZING at making out.

So I asked the ill fated question...Why was it horrible for you?

To which the boy replied, "It was horrible for me, because I felt so guilty...I had started seeing this girl at school, but then there's you. The girl I have liked since high school, that I can say anything to..."


I hung up the phone.
Then I proceeded to ignore his calls for about two weeks.


When we finally spoke, and my anger had slightly cooled, I realized that he owed me no explanation.


We weren't together.


But, I had reacted like we were. I realized I had to let him go, so to speak. I needed to not talk to him for a while, because I needed to move on out of that weird limbo phase between friends and well, more than friends....


However, in the time since that-horrible-make-out-sesh, I had been mentally beating myself up about it. Mainly because I couldn't figure out why it had been so horrible. I mean all the proponents of a good make-out sesh were there. You know, built up anguish and hormones...woot!

Yet the fact that he had lied to me, or rather withheld the truth from his supposed "best friend/girl" pissed me off. I mean what the hell!!!


Thus the unbridled source of my rage.

Seriously, where does this boy get off thinking he can woo one girl one moment, then jet across the country only to make-out and demoralize another girl!!!

Thinking about the whole scenario right now pisses me off!


When did boys( I say boys instead of Men, because the guys I know and talk about in this blog are not MEN)get the idea that Women were this disposable?

I"M ON FIRE

Hello Universe!

It's me again...

Sorry for being so angry in my last post, but if you have a sibling then you might begin to understand my cause for such a blog....

Life has been non-stop school, work, and family.

I've been on top of my game, so to speak, and I even have time to flirt a bit.

Which currently, has been low on my totem pole of endless tasks, I call my life.

I'm glad its almost Christmas, but there's just something about the holidays that depresses me out every single year.

Which is equally depressing.

Now I don't want to be a sad sack here, but there's just something about the holidays that reminds people how alone they truly are.

Even though I have my family, friends, and my life, I still feel like there should be more. That I'm missing out on something....

Maybe that something is a someone...I don't know.

All I do know is that I'm suddenly aware of how lonely I have become. And that is not a jolly feeling for anyone...

Hopefully I will break free of this holiday funk and be back into my usual screw-the-world self! All in time for New Years!!

And you know what they say about New Years....

The way you spend New Years, is how you'll spend your whole year...

So universe, how do you think I'll be spending mine?

My sister is a bitch

Hello all...of no one

A little pessimistic for an opening, I know. But the way I see it, at least I'm honest here, and you've got love me for that.....right?

Moving on....

My sister is bitch. Now before you go off this page or jump to your own very, very deluded conclusions, let me at least explain the reason for that statement.

I love her to pieces, but she has got to be the most judgmental person I know, and she doesn't even realize it. at all.

Now you may be thinking well, kt lemons, how did you even get to this here place?!( and yes, my thoughts have a southern drawl to them)

Well, my dear no one, this has been a conclusion in the making. I guess, to answer my own southern conscience, I realized this back in high school.

She has always been very type A, and obsessive compulsive in the most controlling way imaginable, but it was endearing.

Kind of....like a mad scientist who obsesses over his clean white, white mice and loafers.

Makes very little sense, but you accept it anyway.

Well we were arguing over gods knows what, and I had this revelation of some sort.It must be so exhausting to live life the way she does. To have everything tightly contained in each little box, with the lid snapped completely shut, thank you very much.

To analyze and second guess every decision or mistake you make/made, no matter how menial in the grand scheme of things.

How can someone live their life like that?

To stand on the cliff of life, to afraid, or self conscious or indecisive to jump?! or not jump?!

It literally blows my brain.

How could you even begin to think, about living life like that??!

MOVE ALONG

Hello, all of you

I realize that it's been awhile since my last post but frankly I didn't have anything to post on.

Nevertheless, god I love that word/phrase. Never-the-less( said in pompous English voice, and when I say English, I really mean British)

As I was saying, I have a new job and so far its not as painstakingly boring as my last one was. THANK GOD!

I've finally found my footing at school, meaning I've started to get it together. For all two of you that read this blog, you know what I'm talking about.....or at least I hope you do....but for the rest of the kiddies that have just stumbled on this here blog, let me recap for vou....and yes I meant to type that.

School isn't hard for me per say, its that I lack the motivation to actually accomplish everything with desired results. I blame it mostly on my procrastination but that's not it in it's full entirety...

I had lost my drive, my need to succeed, my sheer determination.....whatever you want to call it...it was gone and it made school practically worthless. I wasn't doing the work, so what was the point?


WELL, now its back. I've got my mojo back. And it feels so good to actually feel empowering for once, to have control over my own life.

Yes, I know I had control before but honestly it didn't feel like that. I felt like I was aimlessly floating along, I had become one of those people who simply waits for life to happen to them... and let me be utterly frank when I say this....I am not one of those people.

Now, you might be wondering, well kt lemons what caused your mojo to come back? What changed for you?


The honest to god answer to all of that is I got pissed off.
I got so angry, and it felt so good to feel so strongly about something that I completely agreed with to the tee.( sorry bad golf reference)

My anger grew to empowerment and now I've got it back.


I know that's probably not the healthiest way to deal with things..or whatever bull shit thin your thinking to negate my previous ranting...but it works for me....and that's all that matters.


So what made me so angry?
The answer to that and more awaits you in my next post.
stay tuned.