And they wonder why?

Hello...

Those close to me know that I'm guarded almost all the time...

I keep things I care about close to my heart.

I am fiercely protective of those I love, and trust me they are far and few between.

So in the off chance that I decide to divulge...

I always regret the almost decision to do so...

Am I even making any sense?

All I know is that I would hate to be one of those people who cries about everything. I think I view it as a sign of weakness...crying that is.

I guess I synchronize crying with opening up...Mainly because the one time I did open up; I cried.

I guess the experience of my own life has hardened my heart...

Its not just own event, or situation that made me this way.

It's me. I choose to close people off.

And I know why.

I don't want to rely on anyone. There are, and will be times in my life I am and will wish for someone to be there, just a hand to hold, a presence.

That's the choice I make. To be alone.

To be independent, even when I am in sheer desperados.

I know this blog hasn't made much sense, but this post was catharsis for me.

So thank you for letting it be this.

Even if I was terribly vague.

Doctor, Doctor! give me the news...

Hey all-

Just a quick update on my whole sickness...

I went to the Doctor, and I totally self-diagnosed myself.

So, I officially have tonsil stones.

Unfortunately, my new Doctor wants to try allergy meds and nasal rinse and salt water gargling to cure it...

Which I'll try..

But I know, its just going to come back.

So, I'll try this and wait and see.

After all, it would be nice to NOT have surgery.

In the meantime, its back to aloe laced tissues and werthers.