thektlemonshow

Maybe I just don't know

2009-12-26T00:31:00.000-08:00

Hello kids,

So in my last post I was quite vague about the exact love-esque troubles that have been going on in my life, and the reason for that is, I have to be careful of who reads this here blog.

I started this blog to have an open space for my thoughts, feelings. etc besides my personal journal.

I thought maybe, if I put these words somewhere out into the universe, that maybe a random stranger would stumble upon them and have similar thoughts and conversation.

Yes, it all sounds incredibly naive now but my intentions have been for folly.

Because the people/person who reads this blog, are people I know.

People whom I know very well, lets just put it that way.

And although my initial intentions of publicly expressing my thoughts, etc was ideal for me, that has changed.

I realize now that you cannot have a sounding board without getting a little bit of sound in return. I will always get that echo. That feedback.

So readers, after two sporadic years of blogging this is my last post.

I'm not saying I won't start another blog, but perhaps I will take some time to reorganize how I view this particular spectrum.

Thank you, for listening and occasionally commenting.

Good-bye.

-ktlemons

WHAT is LOVE?

2009-12-22T01:01:00.001-08:00

Baby, don't hurt me no more...

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Moving on past bad 80's love songs, to the real crux of my blog post here.

How do you know when you've truly fallen in love?

A stupid question at first glance but lets analyze it for a second. After the intial infuaction aka "honeymoon" stage wears off, and your left wondering who is this person you've been crazy about really is after the make-out sesh.....

Can you really define that as love?

Is love the defining of a solid relantionship? The cusp of romance?

Maybe we'll never be able to properly define love, until were head over heels, living a disney fairytale, smack dab in it.

Or hurt by it.

Hell, I don't know.

I guess my biggest question of all, is how do you define your one true great love?

Do you measure all your semi-intense relationships in order to determine the one you felt the most about?

Is it the one with your best friend?

Or the person who lights you on fire with one smoldering gaze in your direction?

Who is it?

Maybe I needed to ask all these questions in order to think about what I constitute love...

I think love is an individual decision.
An individual feeling.

That no one can take away, or diminish with words,actions or time.

That's real love.

finally

2009-12-14T00:17:00.000-08:00

Hey kids-

Its me.

I don"t know if you've noticed that I've been feeling kind of lost in a sense. Well, read a few past blogs for my rudimentary explanation of such feelings.

Yet today, and really lately I've noticed a change within myself.

I'm happy.

I'm starting to live in those few precious moments when you could smile till your cheeks fall of, and you feel so full. Full, of emotion and words that all you can do is keep smiling and enjoying it.

I love these moments, when I can clearly see/feel/hear/ how happy I am.

And for the people who are making my life a series of smiles, laughs and sheepish grins at our own humility and embarrassment, thank you.

and lets keep it up.

I cant' wait until Jan.10th.

The ride

2009-11-29T04:35:00.000-08:00

Listen to the ride by Cary Brothers.

I wish I could explain why.

Rug swept

2009-10-13T17:18:00.000-07:00

Hello universe!

It's been awhile, that doesn't mean that you were far from my thoughts though...

Take that last statement as you please, but it's the truth.

I just didn't want to do yet another self-reflection post that could be construed as whining..

Yet this is where my mind is at, where my thoughts go, so...
Fuck it.

Here I go again...

Lately, and I can't quite pinpoint an exact time or location when I realized what I'm about to tell you/write you but I've been feeling like this ever since I relocated/moved..

I just haven't felt like myself.

I have felt like this introverted person, that is scared of everything. I have felt insecure and question my choices and who I am. I have felt extremely lonely for the first time in a long time. I have felt stuck.

I'm sure everything goes through this at some point in their life, frankly I know that these feelings and emotions are normal.

But I can't stop feeling this way.

I can't remember the last time I was genuinely happy.

That, I know is not right.
I have one life. I want to live and embrace my choices, no matter how wrong they are.

I want to be happy with myself.

I don't know what or when I began to doubt all that I am, but I am aware.
I am aware of my own lack of living in the moment, and I want to make a conscious change.

But how does one do that in a profound way to actually make a difference?

Without you, babe,

2009-08-30T22:17:00.000-07:00

Hello universe....

Have you ever met someone at a certain time in your life and they changed you in some small way?

I mean, of course when you met them you probably didn't have such a realization. Yet, over the course of time and all that jazz, this person changed you. For better or worse, you be the decider on that..

I got to thinking the other, and yes this might have been a procured type of thinking brought upon by only the best of methods; drinking.

I used to think that all guys are asshole's. Whilst this is still true, I have learned to refine that statement. Almost all guys are asshole's, but I have been lucky enough to meet one true genuine guy.

This guy, is a friend and he has proved to me that there are still genuine, kind guy's out there, in this here universe.

Maybe I was jaded before, or a feminist, frankly I don't know nor do I think it matters. Fact is, this guy made me believe. He opened my eyes, and he did it without even knowing.

Which proves my point in my mind, which hell, is all that matters in the first place.

I hope that you readers, have been lucky enough to have someone unapologetic change your view for the better at least once.

Oh briony...

2009-07-28T23:38:00.000-07:00

Hello-

So in reference to my last post, all zero of you who read it...

I mentioned that I hate liars and hypocrites, and as always, there is a story involved!

Yipee! Settle down kids...Settle.

Let me start at the beginning, so there won't be any confusion later on.

I am normally very vague(sweet alliteration y'all!) and don't give specific details at all, in order to have some semblance of anonymity for those that might stumble upon this here blog.

But, I'm throwing caution to the wind. Sort of.

And on that note, here goes nothing....

My best friend Posh has been my best friend for over seven years now, and while that may not seem long to some or all of you, it is to me. We have the type of friendship that can exist through inordinate amounts of time, we just pick up right where we left off.

And that's great. But, to me there's always been certain unspoken things. Now I can't say why, for any rhyme or reason in particular, its just something I think we both recognized.

Scratch that, it's because we/me was afraid of saying things that might end our friendship.

Why ruin a good thing, right?

Well, there comes a point in every relationship, when growth is needed.

How that growth enters the relationship is privy to the unknown atmosphere that is life, but c'est la vie.

In this case it was a guy. A guy that Posh had dated once upon a time, and that I consider/ed to be one of my truly good friends.

Seriously I would call him to move a dead body with me...not that that's a recreational hobby of mine.

Eep.

Anyways, Posh and I had always considered this guy, whom I'll call Tofu still had feelings in some aspect for Posh. Deluded girl thinking, I know but such is the way of us females...

Well Tofu and I had just gone through a huge row, and weren't on the best of terms..

When I hear from Posh, that Tofu confesses his love for her, and that she rebuffed him so to speak.

Hence confirming our previous deluded girl thinking.

Fast forward a month or two later...

Tofu and I were still not speaking( Yes, I happen to stew for awhile) and I decided to mend the fence of our friendship.

Then I hear that Tofu went to see Posh for her birthday.

FYI birthday's are kind of a big deal to us...

At the time I thought it was odd for Tofu to be visiting Posh after the whole love confession thing, but I thought it best not to put a damper in the slightest at the risk of one's birthday celebration.

When I called Posh on the night of the festivities to ask how things were going with Tofu, she said she'd have to tell me about it later..

My suspicions were on amber alert at this point.

The next day, Posh just said that Tofu got drunk and was really annoying and ruined her birthday, but wouldn't really go into detail because he was still there apparently.

I finally got the whole story from her when she came down for the summer and it blew my mind. Literally and figuratively.

To be continued........

don't blame the liars nor the soothsayers..

2009-07-24T20:01:00.000-07:00

Hello all-

I am moving in about 8 days and while its extremely exciting, refreshing and all those other warm fuzzie( yes I intended to spell is that way) feelings that are associated with only good things...

It's also terrifying as hell, no pun intended.

As the days approach, and the boxes mount every available in what used to be "my" basement, I keep getting anxious.

And not for the reasons you might think.

You see, this move is the move.

the move to bigger and better things..

But what if, that doesn't happen?

What if I continue skating through my life, and I never accomplish a smidgen of the insurmountable list of things worth living for?

Don't you have an invisible life list, consisting of all the things and places you want to see and be, and hear and just exist amongst?

Well I do...

And, I guess my greatest fear is not doing a single one of those things..

That I will continue to push along through life in this ho-drum way, just waiting.

Waiting for life to happen to me.

On another note, I can't stand liars.

More on that later, I promise.

And they wonder why?

2009-06-30T19:36:00.000-07:00

Hello...

Those close to me know that I'm guarded almost all the time...

I keep things I care about close to my heart.

I am fiercely protective of those I love, and trust me they are far and few between.

So in the off chance that I decide to divulge...

I always regret the almost decision to do so...

Am I even making any sense?

All I know is that I would hate to be one of those people who cries about everything. I think I view it as a sign of weakness...crying that is.

I guess I synchronize crying with opening up...Mainly because the one time I did open up; I cried.

I guess the experience of my own life has hardened my heart...

Its not just own event, or situation that made me this way.

It's me. I choose to close people off.

And I know why.

I don't want to rely on anyone. There are, and will be times in my life I am and will wish for someone to be there, just a hand to hold, a presence.

That's the choice I make. To be alone.

To be independent, even when I am in sheer desperados.

I know this blog hasn't made much sense, but this post was catharsis for me.

So thank you for letting it be this.

Even if I was terribly vague.

Doctor, Doctor! give me the news...

2009-06-04T20:53:00.000-07:00

Hey all-

Just a quick update on my whole sickness...

I went to the Doctor, and I totally self-diagnosed myself.

So, I officially have tonsil stones.

Unfortunately, my new Doctor wants to try allergy meds and nasal rinse and salt water gargling to cure it...

Which I'll try..

But I know, its just going to come back.

So, I'll try this and wait and see.

After all, it would be nice to NOT have surgery.

In the meantime, its back to aloe laced tissues and werthers.

To err on the side of....

2009-05-31T22:43:00.000-07:00

Hello all...

In regards to my last post, I did end up chopping off some of my hair.

LOL.

Yes, I laugh out loud to myself.

I chopped a whole whopping two inches off. WOO!

I will post pics as soon as my sis decides she wants to be nice and take some for me and I figure out how to post them on this here blog.

I am bit of a technophobe.

Which translated through the Kt lemons-ictionary, means that I am afraid/fearful of all things technologically advanced. It makes texting quite the adventureland.

Neways, to the crux of this post. I frequently get sick, most often with sore throats. Please, no "thats what she said" jokes. C'mon kids, get a grip.

Moving on, my sore throats always turn into strep or tonsillitis. Then I have to go on antibiotics..blah,blah, blah and I'm out of commission for at least two weeks on a diet of fisherman's wharf cough drops, which taste like ass, and chicken noodle soup.

Sadly this happens at least twice a year.

And it always comes back.

With a vengeance.

So two days ago, it started again. The sore throat, etc..etc. So on a whim, I decided to WebMD it. Mainly because I'm in between doctors right now. Which sounds like an interesting story, but its really not.

Anyhow, WebMD basically diagnosed with tonsil stones or tonsiliths. To which, there is no cure but to remove your tonsils surgically. Some people comented that changing their diet to a meatless one helped or taking allergy meds was helpful.

So I guess I'll try both...but I have a sinking feeling I'm going to need surgery.

Either way, I'm just glad to have a diagnosis of some sorts. Because the last couple of years of being improperly diagnosed and being pill popped were not fun.

Sorry if this post is kinda gross, I'm sure you didn't wake up today and say to yourself, " You know what, lets read about throat growths!".

Probably not.

Unless your into that sort of thing.

Which you probably are, only weirdo's read this blog.

Go figure. FML.

LOL.

I'm kidding.For the record, thank you to anyone, anywhere who reads this thing and tolerates my crazy talk. It's much appreciated.

Well adios kit kat's!

To chop or not to chop?

2009-05-27T14:13:00.000-07:00

Hey kids....
so its been a while

Nevertheless, I have come to a life standstill, a foreboding question looms like a dark omnimous cloud over my days....

To chop or not to chop off my hair!

Its kind of long..it goes past my collarbone and it takes FOREVER to grow. But everyday I feel like its this scraggly,boring mess.

And then I get the strongest urge to play stylist and chop it all off. Its got to the point that I'm seriously considering short haircuts. And I mean short.

Anybody catch Mia Farrow's hair in Rosemary's Baby?
Yea-that short.

I know I'm just wishing for a change, and I'm not the most open person to change but its irking me to the point I'm willing to embark on an Edward Scissorhands-esque journey and I have a feeling that might not end with likable results...for anyone.

So readers..its now up to you!

What should I do??

Nobody said it was easy...

2009-04-27T00:17:00.000-07:00

Hey

Well school is almost over. For that, I'm thankful. I honestly didn't think I could

take another month without some kind of break. My finals are this week, and I'm

silently freaking out. I've been busting my ass all semester, but you can never be too

certain, grade wise that is.

I guess the point of this whole rant, post..whatever...is that I'm scared.

I'm scared of not getting into Mason. Of staying here....

My sister got into VCU.

I'm even scared for her, what is to come and what will happen to us.

I guess I'm scared of the unknown.

The inevitable.

Sorry, I'm not trying to be all emo and crap.

I've just been thinking about the future.

No one ever really knows what will happen....to any of us.

I know I'm supposed to take solace in that, but I cant.
I'm the type of person that replays things over and over in my mind. I don't let go of things easily.

So here I am, at 3am pondering, stressing, ranting, thinking about things I cant control.

Hopefully I'm not the only one?

When was the last time you had trouble sleeping? And what did you do to finally get some sleep?

You know I love you till the moon's upside down

2009-04-11T20:22:00.000-07:00

Hey all-

The post tile is a lyric from a Fiona Apple cover of a Cy Coleman song "Why try to

change me Now"... and its amazing.

Here's an amazing quote I found from another blog leloveimage.blogspot.com

"If she loves you, if she really loves you, you'll know it. If you can wake up to

her staring at you and it's not even mildly creepy, if you catch her smelling the

shoulder of the hooded sweatshirt you lent her for an autumn walk on the beach, and

not for B.O.,if she makes you a pancake in the shape of a shark, if she drunkenly

calls you at four in the morning "to talk", if she laughs at your jokes when they're

funny and makes fun of you when they're not, if she keeps her fridge stocked with

Guinness tallboys for when you come over, if she tells you how she wishes she were

closer to her sister and that her dad makes her sad: She loves you, of course she

loves you." Does she love you by Pasha Malla

I love that quote.
Oh!
and here's an awesome youtube video you have to check out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uy0HNWto0UY

so maybe..

2009-03-30T20:10:00.000-07:00

Hello again!

It's been awhile and I wish I could say I was out and about having crazy adventures of the sort but I was being responsible.

I was being an adult.

I know I make it sound like such a glib thing. But, being an adult is kinda a glib thing isn't it?

I constantly have to make sure I pick up after myself, pay bills on time, arrive early and stay late, day in and day out....

It never stops.

I guess that's why my Uncle used to always tell me to enjoy my kid moments, because as the french say being an adult le sucks.

I guess the whole point of this post is, where and when do we turn it off?

When do we stop being adults for two seconds and just enjoy life freely?

I like to think I have little moments each day that my kid self would be proud of...

Or at least not smirk at disapprovingly.

I know we all have to grow up sometime and take control of our lives and actions.

But maybe we can "un-grow up" a little bit too...

At least for a little while...

Get inspired!

2009-03-06T17:24:00.000-08:00

Since today was such a perfect day for yours truly, you get a toofer.

Otherwise known as two-posts-in-one.

I know, get excited.

LOL.

Here is an amazing soundtrack/mix tape/ extravaganza that my friend Jeff made for me.I have been grooving out to it all day, and was feeling extremely generous so I'm going to share it with you!!

Music from&inspired by the Castle: Made by Jeffey:):)

1.One time too Many- Phoenix
2.I write Sin's not tragedies- Panic!
3. Goods- Meters of State
4.Nth Degree-Morningwood
5.I disappear- The Faint
6. Are you the one?- The Presets ( LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!)
7. Sexy results- Death from Above 1979 ( This has been on repeat all day :)
8. Snakes on a plane- Cobra Starship ( Oooh Samuel L.)
9.I don't feel like dancing- Scissor Sisters ( Oh but I do!)
10. You get what you give- LMC vs. New Radicals
11. Here In my Arms- Hellogoodbye
12. Say Say Say- Hitack
13. Jump for my love- Girls Aloud
14. Oh my gosh- Basement Jaxx
15.Love dont let me go- David Guetta
16. Every little thing she does is Magic- Ra

Myspace, Itunes, Limewire these songs.....

whatever just listen& repeat.

Your Welcome!

I don't feel like dancing

2009-03-06T17:06:00.000-08:00

Hey all!

First of all, let me just say that I had the best day. today.

Yes, this is me speaking.

I can be positive....don't judge

Anywhooo....I had the best day today.

Because God, the big man upstairs decided to take pity o my poor cold soul and turn up the heat down here.

Thank you, and keep it up.

Sincerely, Katie Lemons.

Yes.

Yes, I just wrote God a letter in my blog.

get over it.

Speaking of getting over things....

I had a very unusual situation happen to me this week.

I met acute boy at a party.

No, that's not the unusual part!

Well, me being me, I completely forgot his name and to get his telephone number.

So I did what any teenager/adult-ish lady in my shoes does....

I facebooked.

Well I facebooked my friend to find out who he was, because lets face it I'm not that technologically savvy.

So as I waited with a bated breath for her response on the cute guy, I got this confusing response...

She did in fact know him.....and "they're talking"

but

I can facebook him.....if I want to.

I've never seen such a flagrant display of territorially marking since....I don't know the last time I tuned in for a little Discovery channel and I watched a black widow spindle her prey.

I mean that's exactly what she did.
She marked her territory.

And she did it so exquisitely, that if I do facebook him I will be in violation of girl code.

Because she had expressed her feelings, and I ignored them all to facebook a cute guy I had one conversation with.

Let me fill you in on some back story for this girl. She is a HUGE flirt. I mean she'll flirt with inanimate objects, girls, guys....it dont matter.

And that night was no different. I could visually see and count at least seven guys that she was "talking" to.

Cute guy?
Not so much.

So whats my game plan??

I'm gonna play it smart, alpha female style.

and stake it out.
gather information.

then I'll make my move.

This should be fun.

Currently listening to the Scissor Sister's, " I don't feel like dancing"

What do you think??

2009-02-22T00:37:00.000-08:00

Hey guys-

This is basically a cop-out post but I promise I real one is coming soon with all the bit and vigor you've come to expect of me!

Basically I reworked my entire blog and I'm quite pleased with it....

but....

I wanna know what you think!

So if your liking/disliking the font, giant picture of my face, etc...

let me know...

Currently listening: Adele, Chasing Pavements

Something is seriously messed up here...

2009-02-15T14:12:00.000-08:00

Hello all

So today is the day I chose to crack the whip on my taxes...well my Step dad chose to crack the whip and I, well watched.

Anyways, he's almost done with the whole gambit, and informs me that I owe our beloved and dear government money...the approximate amount 467.00$$

WTF!!!

If you haven't already guessed this was quite a shock to me, considering I've been paying this whore of a system quite a pretty penny for a year now.

I'm a student for chrissake!!

I know, I know, I shouldn't get my panties in a bunch over this, considering the amount I now have to shell out is going to pay for some rich senator's vacation "getaway" in the Hamptons....oh no

I think my anger or rather my extreme guttural resounding cry from the very depths of my soul that is currently screaming "THIS IS BULLSHIT!" is keeping me from sympathizing with those who actually have to pay a LOT more.

Then I notice it.
The mistake. This filthy whore of a government owes me now! Suck on that Senator Kerry! Enjoy the Jitney now sucka!!

Only I start thinking, really thinking about how our government is run.

If our government was any ordinary corporate or even a small run business they'd be completely S.O.L. right about now.

You know given the "recession"...

As a nation we are all about customer service, feedback, etc..
And lets just say our government sucks majorly on all those accounts.

I mean think about it, when was the last time the average citizen was truly heard?

My answer after snorting out a "never" is two to four years or whenever we decide to elect, delegate or appoint someone of "higher" calling to do it for us.

And by doing it for us, I mean expressing the issues that really affect every American in every household in the country.

Yes, Mr.newly elected-getting paid half a million dollars a year-to get jobs for blue collar workers in between schmoozing with oil big wigs- cheating on his wife with prostitutes or men-is really going to have MY best interest at heart....

Is anyone else's bullshit meter through the roof right now or is it just me???

I don't know...but the one thing I do know is that the supposed "Change" that's supposed to be happening right here in Washington is the same old lets spend "their" money to fix this nations problems because throwing money at a problem always solves it!

And by "their", I mean us. The average American citizen who works hard, pays their bills only to have 33% of it taken away...

Thirty Three Percent!

Oh but don't worry the 787 billion dollar stimulus plan that we will be paying for the next 30-or so years will definitely lighten the load tax wise....

And bring a "Change" to Washington.

All I know is at least in Africa no one tries to tax your mud hut.

Anti Stereo

2009-01-26T18:15:00.000-08:00

Hello all,

I'ts offically wintertime and snowfall is ineveitable. Lately I've been feeling a bit lonely, like the cold weather was making me hibernate.

I really hate snow....

I hate the cold...

Yet I'm starting to welcome the change it brings from me. A couple months ago, I was coming unhinged so to speak. There's no explanation really...I just know I was.

I was going out, partying, spending money like an heiress who just got Daddy Warbucks and her inheritance all wrapped up in one singular present.

It was also 20 degree's warmer.

Now I look outside at the harsh winds, scarecrow branches and bundled up kids and think to myself."Nah, lets stay in bed with the flannel and onesie"

And, I do.

I really do.

I'd like to attribute my hermit behavior solely on the weather but I know it's me.

I've become my parents.

I retire at 9:30 p.m. on weekends.

I plan outings based on the savings I will reap.

I eat soup for all 3 meals.

I shout at the t.v. knowing full well that "they" cannot hear me

I change my clothes as soon as I get home. And by changing my clothes, I mean shedding my jeans and sweater for my onesie and slippers.

I'm actually starting to enjoy my hermit/old person behavior.
Maybe it means I'm growing up or I'm just becoming boring.

I'm sure I could blame this behavior on a number of things...ranging from the plausible to criminally insane.

Who knows?

For now or at least until the groundhog finally faces his shadow, I'm staying in with all my flannel and onesie glory.

Hear! Hear!

Currently listening to: Keane: Your Eye's Open

Resoultion Restitution?

2009-01-02T21:26:00.000-08:00

Hello boys and girls and Happy New Year too!

How were my last minutes of 0-8?

Pretty good, I must say. I ended up staying in and partying with my best friend.

Next year is going to be the crazy one, because I'll be 21.

WOOT! WOOT!

So, I don't usually make New Years Resolutions because well, there always kind of lame. I almost never accomplish or even try to accomplish them. But there's something about this year that makes me want certain things for myself.

And even if I don't accomplish them or whatever, that maybe writing them for the world to see is a step in itself.

Something like that....

So here goes;

1. Learn to forgive.

I have always been the type of person who holds on to grudges, of every kind of nature. I'm not the type of person to forgive and forget...ever. This is something I kind of prided on because how often in life do people truly stick to their guns?

Never! Only it makes you/me the non-forgiving person look callous and well, petty. Because nine times out of ten, its over something petty.

I'm 20 years old and I need to learn to get over it. Whatever it may be.

2. Expand my circle.

I do practically the same things every day. I eat at the same restaurants, talk to the same people, shop at the same places... There's a point when it gets repetitive, when your life becomes a series of same....so to speak

And I'm sick of it.

I need to go to new places, meet new people, try new things, experience life a different way...

There's nothing wrong in knowing what you like but there becomes a point when your just repeating yourself...and frankly that's boring!

So I'm going to try...new things...

wow, I sound like Dr.Phil.....

bear with me here...

3. Be Healthy.

I go to bed anywhere from midnight to later on school nights, I don't eat proper meals at any set time, I never exercise, and sometimes I engage in illegal activities that cause me to have hangover's.....

None of this do I deem healthy behavior.

As a result, or so my parents think, I get sick about 4 times a year. And I mean sick. I literally have to go to the doctor and everything. It sucks.

And it needs to change.

As I'm writing this it's currently 11:58 pm, and I haven't even begun to get ready for sleep.

Clearly its going to be an uphill battle for these resolutions.

But that's whats so great about New Year's, you kind of get a do-over.

Its the one time all year that you can say to yourself, "lets change"

It's a re-soul-lution!

hey, I'm lame. But ya love it. :)

ps. This is a new thing I'm adding to this here blog....telling you what I'm listening to, because I think everyone should have a semblance of a soundtrack to their lives...

Currently listening to: Coldplay- the scientist

Undiscovered Secret

2008-12-27T21:37:00.000-08:00

Have you ever discovered something that you weren't supposed to?

And once you did, it completely changed the way you once looked at things, places, people...etc

What are you supposed to do?

Sorry for being so vague, but I'm trying to wrap my head around the whole thing.

Actually that's not true, I cant write out all the gory details here, because I honestly don't know who reads this...

I discovered a secret about someone I know quite well.

If this secret had been about someone else, a stranger even I would be perfectly fine.

But, I guess because I know this person it changes how I view them.

When it honestly shouldn't in the grand scheme of things.

I guess all I can do is wait until things transpire on their own.

All I really know is I'm not saying a thing unless I have to.

THE ROOT OF IT ALL

2008-12-16T00:13:00.000-08:00

Hey kids,

I know I said two posts ago that I would give an explanation for my rage aka getting my groove back....:)

So here it is........sorry to keep you waiting

It all started with a boy, and I know your thinking, well ktlemons, doesn't it always?

For me, the answer is a resounding NO!

The boy in question is a friend of mine, we were kind of friends in high school. I dated his friend, but I always had a petit crush on him.

Lame, I know.
Trust me I really do.

Flash forward to about two months ago, we have kept up since high school, and were really good friends. I would even go as far to say more, than friends( gasp!) in that we made out once, so therefore I'm officially marking us in that weird limbo place. You know, the friends that we had a thing with once, but nothing ever happened, so your tight now but there's still that time...

Well we decided to take the mature road on the whole-I-made-out-with-once-so-lets-move-on phase, and decided to talk about it. BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!

Alright you guys, I haven't been completely honest with you so far, in my retelling of how I was magically received my mojo back...

I kind of, sorta, for a short time, might have, had feelings for this boy.....

I KNOW! I KNOW!!

The thing is he lives on the other side of the country that I am currently located on. And! I don't do long distance dating, and it was never, and is never going to happen.

Nevertheless, we decided to talk about that ill fated make-out-sesh*(*session)

Which fyi, it was horrible.Actually, it was beyond horrible and that's all I'm going to say about that.

So I'm stupidly going on about why I had felt/thought it was so horrible, when he starts agreeing with me.

That's when I mentally did a doubletake, why was it horrible for him?

I'm freaking ah-mazing, not to be overly conceited, but trust me kids and kiddettes, I, ktlemons, am AH-MAZE-ZING at making out.

So I asked the ill fated question...Why was it horrible for you?

To which the boy replied, "It was horrible for me, because I felt so guilty...I had started seeing this girl at school, but then there's you. The girl I have liked since high school, that I can say anything to..."

I hung up the phone.
Then I proceeded to ignore his calls for about two weeks.

When we finally spoke, and my anger had slightly cooled, I realized that he owed me no explanation.

We weren't together.

But, I had reacted like we were. I realized I had to let him go, so to speak. I needed to not talk to him for a while, because I needed to move on out of that weird limbo phase between friends and well, more than friends....

However, in the time since that-horrible-make-out-sesh, I had been mentally beating myself up about it. Mainly because I couldn't figure out why it had been so horrible. I mean all the proponents of a good make-out sesh were there. You know, built up anguish and hormones...woot!

Yet the fact that he had lied to me, or rather withheld the truth from his supposed "best friend/girl" pissed me off. I mean what the hell!!!

Thus the unbridled source of my rage.

Seriously, where does this boy get off thinking he can woo one girl one moment, then jet across the country only to make-out and demoralize another girl!!!

Thinking about the whole scenario right now pisses me off!

When did boys( I say boys instead of Men, because the guys I know and talk about in this blog are not MEN)get the idea that Women were this disposable?

I"M ON FIRE

2008-12-12T19:59:00.000-08:00

Hello Universe!

It's me again...

Sorry for being so angry in my last post, but if you have a sibling then you might begin to understand my cause for such a blog....

Life has been non-stop school, work, and family.

I've been on top of my game, so to speak, and I even have time to flirt a bit.

Which currently, has been low on my totem pole of endless tasks, I call my life.

I'm glad its almost Christmas, but there's just something about the holidays that depresses me out every single year.

Which is equally depressing.

Now I don't want to be a sad sack here, but there's just something about the holidays that reminds people how alone they truly are.

Even though I have my family, friends, and my life, I still feel like there should be more. That I'm missing out on something....

Maybe that something is a someone...I don't know.

All I do know is that I'm suddenly aware of how lonely I have become. And that is not a jolly feeling for anyone...

Hopefully I will break free of this holiday funk and be back into my usual screw-the-world self! All in time for New Years!!

And you know what they say about New Years....

The way you spend New Years, is how you'll spend your whole year...

So universe, how do you think I'll be spending mine?

My sister is a bitch

2008-11-06T05:42:00.000-08:00

Hello all...of no one

A little pessimistic for an opening, I know. But the way I see it, at least I'm honest here, and you've got love me for that.....right?

Moving on....

My sister is bitch. Now before you go off this page or jump to your own very, very deluded conclusions, let me at least explain the reason for that statement.

I love her to pieces, but she has got to be the most judgmental person I know, and she doesn't even realize it. at all.

Now you may be thinking well, kt lemons, how did you even get to this here place?!( and yes, my thoughts have a southern drawl to them)

Well, my dear no one, this has been a conclusion in the making. I guess, to answer my own southern conscience, I realized this back in high school.

She has always been very type A, and obsessive compulsive in the most controlling way imaginable, but it was endearing.

Kind of....like a mad scientist who obsesses over his clean white, white mice and loafers.

Makes very little sense, but you accept it anyway.

Well we were arguing over gods knows what, and I had this revelation of some sort.It must be so exhausting to live life the way she does. To have everything tightly contained in each little box, with the lid snapped completely shut, thank you very much.

To analyze and second guess every decision or mistake you make/made, no matter how menial in the grand scheme of things.

How can someone live their life like that?

To stand on the cliff of life, to afraid, or self conscious or indecisive to jump?! or not jump?!

It literally blows my brain.

How could you even begin to think, about living life like that??!

MOVE ALONG

2008-10-28T21:15:00.000-07:00

Hello, all of you

I realize that it's been awhile since my last post but frankly I didn't have anything to post on.

Nevertheless, god I love that word/phrase. Never-the-less( said in pompous English voice, and when I say English, I really mean British)

As I was saying, I have a new job and so far its not as painstakingly boring as my last one was. THANK GOD!

I've finally found my footing at school, meaning I've started to get it together. For all two of you that read this blog, you know what I'm talking about.....or at least I hope you do....but for the rest of the kiddies that have just stumbled on this here blog, let me recap for vou....and yes I meant to type that.

School isn't hard for me per say, its that I lack the motivation to actually accomplish everything with desired results. I blame it mostly on my procrastination but that's not it in it's full entirety...

I had lost my drive, my need to succeed, my sheer determination.....whatever you want to call it...it was gone and it made school practically worthless. I wasn't doing the work, so what was the point?

WELL, now its back. I've got my mojo back. And it feels so good to actually feel empowering for once, to have control over my own life.

Yes, I know I had control before but honestly it didn't feel like that. I felt like I was aimlessly floating along, I had become one of those people who simply waits for life to happen to them... and let me be utterly frank when I say this....I am not one of those people.

Now, you might be wondering, well kt lemons what caused your mojo to come back? What changed for you?

The honest to god answer to all of that is I got pissed off.
I got so angry, and it felt so good to feel so strongly about something that I completely agreed with to the tee.( sorry bad golf reference)

My anger grew to empowerment and now I've got it back.

I know that's probably not the healthiest way to deal with things..or whatever bull shit thin your thinking to negate my previous ranting...but it works for me....and that's all that matters.

So what made me so angry?
The answer to that and more awaits you in my next post.
stay tuned.

7 things

2008-07-24T22:10:00.001-07:00

Hello there...

It's come to my attention that however long I've had this blog for , I've yet to tell you a little about myself, you know, let you get to know me. So far all you received is the late night rantings that float around in my head and then expunge onto this here blog.

So here are 7 things about me, that you may or may not need/wish to know...but I'm sending out into the universe anyway...
1. I'm obsessed with blog's. Not just any blogs mind you, but there are certain blogs I absolutely have to read before I can even think of getting some shut eye. I realize that makes me mildly pathetic/lame but my reasoning is that its like reading a little bedtime story of some sort, only its online.
Here's just some of my fave's...
perezhilton
overheardinnewyork
slaves to fashion

2. I am brutally honest. I like to think of myself as one of those great, rare people who will always tell it to you straight regardless of well.....anything. Sometimes this can cause a bit of trouble for me, but in the end you cant argue with the truth.

3. I am a clothes whore. I live, breathe, eat, smell, clothes..well maybe not eat but I think you get the picture. I not only look at clothes online everyday but I work in a clothing store, and around other clothing stores. The majority of my money goes to clothes, and I literally could spend hours looking at clothes, reading about clothes...etc...

4. I have to read the labels on things. This is a little obsessive compulsive thing actually. When I buy something, it could be toothpaste or a cashmere sweater, I have to read the label. And I'm talking about the entire label.

5. I hate children. I honestly dislike children, albeit there are some really cute kids out there but the majority of kids annoy the hell out of me. Just today I was shopping with my madre and these kids were running around the store yanking things off shelves, screaming, chanting mommy at an ungodly decibel and creating an all around ruckus. I realize that this makes me similar to an old Jewish man but god those kids were annoying.

6.My favorite book is The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. Please read this fantastic, enlightening book. It is one of those books that makes you feel all the emotions of the characters, my heart literally ached for these characters. When I finished it , I turned it over and started reading it again...its that good.

7. My idea of perfect day would be to wake up late on a Sunday, which would mean I had off from work :)! I would walk into my kitchen and there would be hot pancakes and fresh cantaloupe waiting for me and Jack Johnson would be playing from an ipod in the background. I would curl up with the comics in a little nook and just let the sun's rays bask over my perfect day.

your that girl

2008-07-23T23:17:00.000-07:00

Hello...for all two of you that actually read this blog,sorry that its been awhile.
I've just been working like the rent is due...
Speaking of work, whilst I was there the other day wanting to slit my wrists over how excruciatingly boring it was, one of my co-workers and I got into a conversation of how I am when I date.

Now before I launch into a metaphysical explanation of my inner psyche, and past hopes, dreams & schemes...let me just state for the record that most people my age, the 16-25 set, view dating as liking somebody, telling that somebody, then asking that somebody to be your boyfriend/girlfriend.
I don't know if I missed the memo on that one, but that is not how I view dating....at all. I like to go on dates to places ,not go chill on someones couch, which may or may not lead to making out. I want to get to know the person, spend some quality time together..I guess that makes me old fashioned..so kudos to my parents for that!

So when I began having a relationship-ish conversation with my co-worker, they probably didn't understand my unusual views on dating. All they knew was that I had high standards, which I do. Now I know you might be thinking that I have an inflated ego and think I'm hot shit. And I'm not saying that I don't think that I'm not attractive, because I do. But I also don't think men should bow down and worship my hottness when I enter a room.

My whole thing about dating is I'm not willing to settle. I feel like so many of my friends, and generally stories that I encounter from other women is that most women date either one of this guys;
1. The Nice Guy- This is the first guy in this women's life that is one of those truly nice,sweet guys. the type of guy that would never forget your birthday, the guy that will always remember to put the toilet seat down. The downside to this guy is that he will always put you before anything else, which in theory sounds good but in actuality,it just means he's a complete pushover.

2. The Popular Guy- This guy is the guy you wished you had dated in High school. He is the guy that everyone flocks, he always has people hanging on to his every word, and there's constantly a knit of people surrounding him. The downside to this guy varies but the main factor is he is constantly putting on a show. He will never really let his guard down around you, and although he is fun to be around, ultimately its not really "him" that you like, its the way he makes you feel.

3.The Boyfriend- This guy is your boyfriend from high school, college, grad school, whatever institution you have left behind high and dry. He has spent countless hours, times with you, your family and your friends and has earned brownie points over the years. He is the guy that knows you and appreciates you for..well you. The downside to this guy is that its the "old" you that he knows so well. While you were off preparing yourself for a new career, school, whatever he was so in tune with the old routine of things that he conveniently forgot to notice that you had completely changed. You want to stay with him because you think you both can grow together as a couple. But the sad truth is your waaaaay past that point, you've changed and he wont be able to adjust because he is wearing "old you" vision glasses...at all times.

These are just some of the types of guys that I feel all the women I know get stuck into relationships with. Albeit, the reason some of these girls stay with those type of guys is they would rather stay with the guy you know rather than go out and find another guy.
I'm not willing to do any of that just to have a boyfriend. Frankly I find it a little sad and pathetic that more women aren't willing to be single and really try and find a great guy than just settle for whats presenting itself at that moment in time.

Now I'm not saying that I plan on waiting on forever and a half for mr.perferct, because I'm not. I'm waiting on someone worth waiting for, someone who is worth my time. I guess that makes me singular in my quest, or at least unique to my peers but nevertheless I'm sticking to my version of things.

just some food for thought...

2008-04-14T23:25:00.000-07:00

I would like to think that people have something inside them that decides their choices for them, only it brought me to an earth-shattering question...do we really have free will?
Yes, we all have our own minds but if you start to think about an idea that you know is all yours, can your really find the very root of your idea? Or did you draw your source from elsewhere....

Sorry if I have just confounded you in the worst mind tangle possible, but I have come to the realization that nothing is original.

Everything stems from something.

Now when I say that I just had this realization, I dont mean that I suddenly had this great AH-hah! moment...
I just started thinking about what drives our thoughts,and do we really have control over them?

Is free will really up to us? or is it merely watered down ideas and versions of someone else's thoughts....hopes...aspirations.......

Or maybe all of us have the same thoughts...the same feelings
Its the individual that provides the reaction
People are pretty complex simplistic .......people.

kiwi a go-go

2008-04-13T22:35:00.000-07:00

Hello again.....
This past week has been ruled by one thing,
that thing being my job. I'm currently a student and I also have a pretty demanding job
Its a job that shouldnt be demanding not even the smallest of regards, alas it still is.
My boss, is a complete nincompoop to say the very least, and everyone is forced to compensate for her sheer stupidity, proven utmostly at the simplest of tasks.
Let me role play for ya, just so you can truly get a better idea of what I deal with on a day-to-day basis;
Setting: brightly lit workplace, workers are are v.busy and working hard, the Boss is sitting at her desk with a very confused face, resembling a cross-eyed chipmunk if one had to speculate.....
Boss: I just got get( says this in an excruciatingly nauseating voice) why wont it send!!!??
Me: ( in an extremely confunded-at-her-stupidity voice) Because you haven't selected send...
Boss: ( in a higher pitched excruciatingly nauseating voice) Whaaaattt???!

KABLAM!!!!!!!!!!!!
sorry that was the sound of my brains hitting the tiled floor.

in other news....I had a fun weekend, I got to hang out with a friend that I haven't really hung out to much with, so it was good to bond some.....
I went laser-tagging ( I like to connect with my inner-Rambo) and chased hyperactive teenyboppers with my uber cool laser gun.
I dined in with some superb sushi, grazie a million times over to the chef; my little sister.
School is almost over and then I have more school
I will be docking in some extra edjuh-ma-kay-shun this summer
hopefully I will still find some time to pool it up..because honestly thats all ones summer should consist of....
wells sorry to cut you short on my life's happenin's but I do have homework*
ta ta for now

* by homework I really mean read Perez Hilton....
dont judge..you know its on your favorites too!

maybe a little green eyed?

2008-04-06T00:09:00.000-07:00

hello ....
so I just want to point out that I hardly ever get jealous
and when I actually do, its usually taken quite a bit to get me there
For instance, when a guy that I'm currently dating tells me that he's going to go have lunch with his ex, I dont get jealous.
nope, nada, nil
I get even, so to say.
Now I know what your thinking...that I'm manipulative, vindicative....whatever.
The fact of the matter is if he wants to go out and have lunch with his ex, thats fine, who am I to judge or limit who he decides to spend his lunch hour with.
Maybe their friends, or planning a suprise party together, who knows?
I guess I'm comfortable enough with myself to not obsess over the what if's...
However....
Not to contradict myself and all..which is precisely what I'm about to do
here's the current situation
theres this guy that I'm friends with, and we've only recently started hanging out more frequently
and we are strictly friends as of now
At first I wasnt sure if I liked him in a more-than friends way but the more time I spend around him the more I think I want to be more than friends
here's the thing though, he treats me like one of the guys, and I have yet to receive any type of "vibe" to go off of
I explianed the situation to some of my friends, and they all think that he does in fact like me
and yes, I do realize how middle school that last sentence sounded.
So the other we were chatting via instant messaging...(how very You've Got Mail I know...)
and he tells me that he is taking a trip with this girl...which is fine
good for him! I hope they have a great time!
I wish I could genuinely mean that last statement but I am under the spell of the very green-eyed monster that is normally not a problem of mine
like at all...........
So what do I do..
well thanks for listening/reading
hopefully next time I'll have more to go on and henceforth share to you

show em what your made of

2008-03-30T22:27:00.000-07:00

hello random person who has stumbled upon my blog,
sorry its been awhile
i wish i could say i was out living life
rather life was living me
each day become more about the hours, minutes, seconds
than what I was getting out of my day
I hope you understand my train of thought
I just feel like life is just a stream of gray days
days that blend into the next one, a single viusal display of blurriness
and ordinary

when i was kid, this isnt the grown-up life I had expected to lead
when is your life supposed to begin?

musings...

2008-03-03T01:19:00.000-08:00

It is currently 4:09 a.m. and I’m still awake. I wouldn’t say wide awake, because truthfully I am so tired. I’m tired from so many things. Life tires me.

It shouldn’t be this way. I mean, I’m only 20 years old and life tires me? Not exactly the carpe diem lifestyle I wish to portray.

School is school. I go there, and sometimes I really try to listen and maybe even learn. But I feel like they’re not even really teaching, that they just like listening to themselves speak, or rather drone.

Is that really what higher learning is supposed to be?

I honestly feel more educated after watching the Discovery channel than a three hour lecture about seafloor spreading.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Its been drilled into our heads since we were young, naive, little things that out generation was going to change the world, or at least rock the boat a bit…

Our generation is like the fat kid at the playground.
No one really wants to play with him, or even really acknowledge its existence. Yet their forced to play along anyways.

Life should be more
We should want more out of life.
We need to quit settling and maybe take a note or two from our parents and rock the boat just a bit. Speak our minds, protest, exercise a little civil liberty, and most of all be active and passionate about something. Just some thing.

Lets go hunting eh?

2007-11-04T21:21:00.000-08:00

Well, hello, hola, feliz navidad to the Kt lemons show.....blog...site....thing

I recently was in quite a predictament at work.....I work retail so you can already assume its hell

Its cool...your right..its hell.

There I was, folding ( yes my job involves folding as well...your starting to believe the hell part arent ya..) when this asian lady starts ...literally, yanking shirts from the stack I had just painstakingly fixed.

Somehow I was able to hold my thoughts of her head suddenly being replaced with an exploding cauldron of tarantula's to utter.." Do you need help with anything ma'am?"

She just blinked at me.

*POP*

Oh sorry..that was the sound of my brain exploding..funny how that switched...

to be continued....